Welcome and welcome backkkkkk to my blogggggg!
đ¶Hellooo… is it .. the next instalment youâre looking for đ¶ (see what I did there? Eh? Eh? đ).
So let’s get into the nitty gritty of this series, we have been introduced to Grandma Gem and as we know she has been diagnosed with Dementia (as of 2009), there was a lot of confusion, sadness, fear and worry coursing through the veins of our family at this point. Our matriarch had been compromised! But we knew we couldn’t let her down! Grandma was diagnosed with vascular dementia, this means she had a series of mini strokes in her brain, this in turn caused the deterioration of the parts of the brain responsible for behaviour, cognition and talking , and eventually motor skills and daily bodily functions. It was a weird time because there was no definite indication that the strokes were happening, looking for FAST (face, arms, speech, time to call 999) signs was very difficult especially in the early stages. In retrospect, I now realise that her changes in behaviour, frustration, anger, and aggression, which were unnatural for her, (unless you stepped on her foot or was a pick-pocket on the bus!) were most definitely the signs of deterioration.
I was in year 7 when Gemmy was diagnosed (11/12 years old) so when grandma would have her episodes, I was confused and had convinced myself that she didn’t like me very much (ridiculous I know how could anyone not like me hahahaha!). As I said it was a strange time, because it felt like I had jumped from being an innocent pre-teen to a middle- aged woman who’d seen some things… My sisters ( 16 and 6 at the time) and I had to become adults, and make sure we didn’t give our parents anything more to worry about. We were baby adult angels, if you will.
Now moving forward to the years 2010 to 2012, this period of time has practically been greyed out in my memory, whether it’s a coping mechanism or bad memory, I couldn’t tell you, but I’ll try my best to paint a picture of this time. So, in 2010, my mum took redundancy, so that she could spend more time looking after Grandma, and help my Grandad by giving him a bit of respite. My Grandad, partially sighted, partially hearing with poor mobility skills, was the primary carer for my Grandma, he was determined to look after the woman he loved (MEN TAKE NOTE!) In addition to grandad and all the family chipping in, it was decided that grandma should have a day time carer to help her get dressed (she didn’t really like this service) and brush her teeth. She also got to go to a play centre a couple of days a week, which she enjoyed for the most part. Seeing as Grandma had gone back to school, I suppose it was only right for her to got through a rebellious phase. Every so often as my sisters and I would make our way to grandma and grandads flat after school, we’d see grandma casually and quite happily being escorted by a police officer or a neighbour home. As we’d get back to the flat, as Grandmas disappearance was unbeknownst to Grandad we would frantically explain what we just witnessed, and eventually it would turn into a hilarious joke. The disappearing acts were just the tip of the iceberg in terms of the mischief and chaos that came with dementia!
I remember one clear sign that dementia was going to be a problem for us! Everyone knows black women, especially of the older generations are almost obsessed with looking prim and proper, from the outfit to the hairstyle, and my grandma was no exception. She loved to sew and make her own outfits, and she loved to have her hair in a perfect curly ‘fro. I recall going to church one Saturday evening, and seeing grandma in her favourite pew, I saw the back of her hair and it was basically matted, I was so confused, grandma wouldn’t leave the house with out her crown being styled to perfection. She explained to us that she couldn’t reach the back of her head, and what a laugh that gave us, because how does that make sense. Obviously, we later realised that she actually couldn’t reach her head. That was one of the first official time I recall seeing dementia take its toll on my poor granny.
As we moved into 2011, we noticed that grandad was getting weaker and grandma was getting more and m ore restless. She would occasionally act out her frustration towards the day carers that came to her in the morning. Every few months we would send grandma to the a care home for respite. It was a break for us and for her, she tended to enjoy it a lot more than we did, I remember feeling guilty for having a break from her. I don’t think it was a break from her though, it was more of a break from THE DREADED D! Thinking back at these homes, they would have been perfect for grandma, they had familiar grandparent-esque dĂ©cor, which made them feel homey and I kid you not, THE SMELL, was like every grandparents home! As I said earlier I cannot remember much of this time in my life sooo lets move on to the year that my memories seem to just start.
So here we go, 2012! This was the year, our year, best time of our life! And it definitely was! This was the first time we went to the home with my grandparents, by home I mean, Jamaica, JA, Jamrock! We spent 2 weeks in all inclusive, next to the beach and the pool, visiting family and friends and site seeing. As much as we all wanted it to be a break from the norm, we knew it was going to be difficult with grandma and grandad! Them being home just made so much sense! Grandma thoroughly enjoyed waking up every morning and exclaiming “Look at the mountains!”, it warms my heart even now that she was mesmerised by the site of them. This was the period of time that I noticed that dementia has some proper ups and downs, at the time the holiday just felt like one big DOWN! But in retrospect, it was one of the best holidays I’ve been on, learning about where my grandparents were from and just being away from the UK was perfect. On a tropical island you can guess what the ups were, I shouldn’t have to explain much. So lets discuss the “downs”, they weren’t necessarily bad things that happened just complicated and stressful things, I can definitely laugh about these things and laugh very very hard. Grandma, was a very very friendly person, she just the right thing to say that made you completely obsessed with her, and she surely worked her magic with the hotel staff. Every turn we took there was another person calling her “granny” or “mummy”, and she lapped it up! The complications came when it was time to get her to sit down and eat or go on an excursion or even to go to bed, Grandma was not having it, especially if her new mates weren’t around to keep her company! This lead to such a big argument between me and grandma, today I laugh, back then, I was cryingggg real tears! ‘Til this day I don’t know why anyone left me in charge of grandma at this particular moment but alas I was. This was one of a few moments that were absolutely crazzyyyy, but I stand by the fact that this was the holiday of all holidays!
Anyway, I’ve run out of memories for these years, and nothing very exciting happened with grandma after 2012, as a matter of fact I think, the illness had stabilised at this point. I hope you enjoyed reading about all the troublesome things grandma got up to in her second youth. I don’t want you to think she was terrible and nuisance, she was and still is the love and light of my life. I hope this has given you some insight of what dementia really looked like (in a comical way). So we will reconvene in 2013 when my memories are clearer and stuff actually happens lol.
Thank you for reading as,
MJ Writes x
MJ Writes 