Hellooooo! And welcome back to my blogggggg. I haven’t got a musical intro today (I know I’ve had over 2 months to think of one but idk I cannot today lol). As you may have noticed I have been gone for a very long time, this is not because I haven’t wanted to write anything, it’s most definitely the fact that I was busy (and a lil lazy), for the most part though the thought of writing this particular piece has caused me a lot of anxiety. Anyway, let’s get into todays story.
The ‘Dreaded D’ is how I started the journey on this blog but amongst all the dementia stuff, other major life events were happening. So let’s set the scene: the year is 2013, we’re in the wake of London Olypmics, everything is great, life is sweet, London felt so happy and cheerful. Grandma seemed to be stable in her condition and hadn’t had any turns as of recent. We had a great summer!
Little backstory: I was fortunate enough to know all 4 of my grandparents, growing up. My dads parents are proud St.Lucians. My grandad a typical caribbean man, he loved a dance, a drink and cheeky bet. My grandma/ ‘MUM’ is the epitome of matriarch, everyones mum or nan and the back bone of the family. In addition, my mums parents are proud Jamaicans, Grandad, everyones bestfriend, and my grandma a dress designing, patty making, cake decorating Queen. All of my grandparents are some of the most important people in my life.
Anyway, in 2013, my dads dad fell ill, he had multiple health complications and subsequently ended up in St.Joseph’s Hospice in Hackney, and passed away peacefully on the 24th October 2013. As all caribbeans knows the post death celebrations are some of the most important celebrtions one could have in their lives. The nine night (on the ninth night after someones death, family and friends come together to celebrate the persons life and mourn) came and went and the next 2 weeks were very busy in the lead up to the funeral. The funeral took place on 15th November 2013, we danced, ate and drank the night away in true West Indian style.
On the 16th we rested and on the 17th the family made their way to church for a memorial service. Myself and my older sister were studying, me for my GCSE’s and her for her degree, so we stayed home.
It was a grey winters morning, we were still sad but trying to get on with life, you know. THEN, the house phone rang and my sister takes the call. She rushes back 5 minutes later, urging me to get washed, “our uncles are on the way” she said. Now in my 15 year old mind the world was about to end. I had just experienced my first close family member passing away and now this (I didn’t know what ‘this’ was but it was bad).
Little did I know my world would actually be ending. I thought I would be heading to my dads family home as that is where everyone was going after church, but we pulled up outside my mums family home.
*We interrupt this story to bring some extra information, Grandma Gem had been hospitalised as she had stopped walking and was eating less and less. So it was just Grandad at home.* Back to regular viewing.
Grandad George and Grandma Gem lived in a flat on the fourth floor, the top floor. I RAN UP 4 FLOORS! To the be abruptly paused by paramedics, uncles, aunts and family friends. I insited on finding out what had happened to my bestfriend. I entered the flat, and dropped to the floor, and wept and wept and wept. My Grandad was on the floor, he was gone.
The aftermath of this and the feelings I felt are for another blog post, even a different blog page but if you knew me between the ages of 16 and 18 I’m sorry I was so angry and I’m sorry if I hurt you.
So to recap: 24/10/13 , Grandad Nelson dies, his funeral is on the 15/11/13, Grandad George passes 17/11/13. Grandma Gem is currently hospitalised and has completely stopped walking (possibly due to another stroke) and is possibly going to be transferred to a nursing home.
As you have seen, not much dememtia related (that I can remeber) happened in the year of 2013, however, the whole year has been overshadowed and greyed out by the last 3 months of the year. I am not angry (anymore) but whenever I think about this year and the fall out from it, I do still feel sad about it all.
I apologise that this post was not the usual happy and joyful read as it usually is, but this is part of the ‘Dreaded D’ that frames everything.
Thank you for reading as,
MJ Writes x
MJ Writes 